The phone rings and you hear the dreaded words "We have to talk." Then, you knock on the door, your partner enters, and everything spirals down from there. The next thing you know is that you are hearing "We are simply not connecting the way we should be" or something similar to that. Whatever the specific phrase, someone just broke up with you.
Let's face it, it's never good to hear any form of the words "We need to break up." However, if you are hearing those words, then you need to know two things. First, you should know that this happens to people every day (and not just you). Second, and most important, you need to know that you can and will feel better. So let's talk about what you can do not only to temporarily feel better, but to really get through a breakup. Here are 6 steps to fully overcome a breakup.
Get rid of "poor me" syndrome: The first thing you should do is stop thinking about all the things you could have done to avoid the Ruptura amorosa. Don't think about it once you didn't call, or whatever you are thinking about in this mental mind game that you will be tempted to put yourself through. Instead, really think about why the relationship didn't work. There is no particular event from the past that if changed would change the outcome of the breakup. Breakups are the result of a series of events. So dig deep and think about what this relationship was really about, so you can take advantage of the lessons it has for you. Don't give up on it.
Go ahead and grieve: It's okay to regret after a breakup. It is actually healthy to cry and cry when a relationship ends. So don't be hard on yourself if you want to spend a week crying and really sad. It really is quite healthy to get all of that out of your system. The people who repress all their feelings about a breakup and never let themselves cry are the ones who will never learn the lessons they need to learn from the experience.
Write it down on paper: Journal and write down all the things you are thinking and feeling about the breakup. After you have shared your feelings with yourself for a few days, you will begin to notice that you feel better. You will be able to better discover the deeper problems that caused the end of the relationship. You will also learn what lessons there were for you in that relationship and become much clearer about what you really want and need in a relationship. So start journaling and start to be really honest with yourself.
Don't give in to "Theory of Replacement": There are many people who mistakenly believe that the best way to beat someone is to find someone to replace you. I call this "The Replacement Theory" of dealing with a breakup. Unfortunately, this strategy will not help you through a breakup and may cause you more pain in the future. Don't start dating someone too soon after a breakup. Don't start looking for the next relationship before taking the time to get over the one that just ended. People who start dating too quickly after a breakup usually end up repeating the same failed relationships over and over again. This really takes me straight to my last step.
It's all about you: After a breakup, spend at least thirty days doing things you love. Connect with friends. Take long walks. Go and exercise in the gym. Do whatever you really enjoy. Do things that are good for you. This time should be spent recovering and hugging.
Breaks are difficult, but it is after a break that our best lessons are learned. If we can learn the real problems that caused the breakup, we will not repeat the same failed relationship again. So stop blaming yourself and start looking deep inside yourself. When you do that, you won't just "deal" with a breakup. You will really get over it.
No comments:
Post a Comment